And it’s so much easier to point the finger at someone else and tell them what they’re doing wrong, than trying to see how their presence could benefit the family and wanting to find solutions. By letting him deal with his ex and NOT harassing him about his decisions, or hers, you allow the space to simply support him.
Stepmoms, when you start getting frustrated about this, remember these four words: YOU CAN’T FIX IT. And as much as you might love your husband and want to make things better for him, you can only do that in communicate better with their child’s stepmom and choose to deal with her rather than her ex. He either chooses to lay down some ground rules with her or he chooses to continue letting the dynamic be as it is. And you get to go about your business focusing on all the things that bring you joy, knowing that whatever stress she brings, you’re more protected from it than you would be if you were right in the line of fire.
It’s possible that all stages may not be perceived right away, especially early on in the relationship.
The Obsessor finds someone who makes them feel powerful and important. In my case my ex pretended she was physically abused.
Stepmoms usually start out innocently communicating with mom around things like schedules and logistics.
If that goes well, she starts thinking “Great, mom is receptive to me.
The ex may not have the support of his or her friends, family and others; they will misinterpret the Obsessors behavior as having a broken heart and confuse it as “true love”; they will also think that the Obsessor will stop the behavior.
During this stage, Obsessive Ex’s will try to use intimidation in the way of contact, making threats or any other unlawful trespassing to try to win their ex back.